What About Your Friends?

Friend, Friend breakup, friendships, advice, The D-Code, The D-Code Blog, advice column, chicago, chicago blogger, windy city bloggers, chicago blog net, friend advice

Grab your coffee (or wine depending on what time you read this), because we’re about to get reeeaaaaal candid. Let’s be honest, we all have (or have had) that one shit friend that has managed to stay in our life way longer than they should have. Some of you, depending on what kind of circles you run in, can probably think of a whole group of people who you should have dumped.

As you get older, friendships are no longer about quantity, but rather the quality of the individuals around you. I can remember when I was younger and I desperately wanted to hang out with a large group of friends and be in the popular crowd . It was around my junior year of high school when I quickly realized that hanging with a large group is not all that it’s cracked up to be. If you can find one person in your life who you can truly call a friend, then you are blessed beyond measure.

Now at 22, I require a hell of a lot more from those that are around me than I did before. I am all about vibes and energy. If negative, catty, petty and gossipy (that’s probably not a word, but we’re going to roll with it) energy is all you put out, don’t be shocked if you look up and see that everyone in your circle is negative, catty, petty and likes to gossip. But if you choose to live your life according to God’s purpose, radiate positivity and love others as you love yourself, more than likely those are the people you’ll have around you.

When you’re on a mission to be your best self, having the right people around you is so critical to your growth. Sometimes the people we once called friends are dead weight, and in order to get to your next level you need to let some people go. I’m not saying this is going to be an easy process, but I can promise you that it is necessary.

So, how do you know it’s time to break up with a friend? 

 

They bring nothing of value to your life

Any relationship that you are in should make you a better person. Your friends should bring joy to your life, push you towards your goals and challenge you can be the best person you can be. Again, if the only thing someone can bring you is gossip and pettiness, it’s time to cut them off. If you’re striving to be a better person, that requires you to reevaluate some of your relationships.

They don’t show up for you

Is this person someone you know you could call at 3 am crying, and in need of advice? If not, then it’s time to say goodbye. The best way to lead a life of love and purpose is by showing up for the people in your life. We’re all adults with busy schedules, but it takes no time or effort to send a text saying ‘hey, I was thinking about you and I just wanted to see how things were going’. Life gets hectic, but it’s so important to make time for the people we care about. If your “friend” never shows up when you truly need them, and they only manage to come around when they want to brag about their life and their successes, it may be time to let this person go.

You’ve become complete strangers

Sometimes, people just simply grow apart. It sucks, it’s hard and at times it can be painful, but it happens. Adulthood brings about a lot of changes that at times can be difficult to understand and navigate through. As you grow older, your interests and priorities change, and it’s easy to grow distant with people you once called your best friends. That’s life folks. We also need to acknowledge that sometimes we are the ones who change. Maybe this person is a representation of who you used to be, but because of who you are now the friendship no longer works. That’s okay too.

 

How do I go about breaking up with my friend?

 

Ghost on them

I really hate recommending this, but depending on where the relationship is at, this might be the best solution. No longer responding to their texts, ignoring their calls and unfollowing/blocking them on all social media channels is an easy way to put an end to a friendship. Completely falling back from someone will send a clear message, and eventually they will get the hint that you’re no longer interested in being in their lives. Again, this is a case by case basis, so evaluate where the relationship is at to decide if ghosting is really the best option for you.

Create some distance between you and this friend

Maybe this is someone you would call and hang out with on a regular basis. If you’re trying to end this friendship, now would be a good time to decline some of their invitations to go out, decrease the amount of phone conversations/texts and keep the interactions to a minimum. Creating some space between you and this friend will give you some time and clarity about how you want to move forward with this relationship.

Put on your big girl panties and have a conversation

Whether you decide to do this over text, phone call or even in person, sometimes you just have to be mature and tell people how you feel. It’s extremely uncomfortable to tell someone that you straight up don’t want to be their friend anymore, but ripping the bandaid off might be what’s best for you. Some things you just cannot fake, and sometimes honesty really is the best policy. This might be the time to let them know that you love them, but you just need some space to figure out what this friendship will look like going forward. The key is making sure that you’re clearly communicating with the other person about where you stand.

 

Whatever you decide to do, make sure you go about it the right way. Hurting feelings at times is inevitable, but if you can avoid it then do it. Have any of you ever had the dreaded friend break up? What did you do that worked/didn’t work? 

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